“In a futile attempt to erase our past, we deprive the community of our healing gift. If we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others.”


– Brennan Manning, Abba’s Child: The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging


Do you have a recurring lie that you’re tempted to believe over and over?  Especially in times of stress or disappointment or struggle?


I do.  The enemy likes to whisper, “They’re gonna leave…and it’ll be all your fault.”



When this is your lie, and you choose to live out of that lie in your behavior, being transparent takes a back seat.  Performing becomes uppermost.  “Getting over” your “issue” immediately takes precedence.  After all, what if taking your time through your struggle causes people to get sick of you?  And if you don’t show your best qualities, what on earth will people stick around for?


Yes, I know.  That’s not how it works.  We’re drawn to people who are open and transparent.  We connect with the honesty and struggle in others.


Besides, it seems to me that the things I know about or am passionate for have come from my worst failures.  


So how do we share our issues without wallowing or enabling sin in each other?  And how do we let our “mess become our message” without forgetting where we came from?  (1cor1:26-31)


Our pastor talked about the difference between confidence and arrogance.  Confidence is latin for ‘with faith’ (con fide).  Confidence is faith; arrogance is sin. 


I deeply desire to be transparent on here without glorifying sin.  I want to continue documenting the whole idea of a journey into simplicity of heart that I am in no way pretending I’ve mastered.  And if I do it in some kind of arrogant, condescending way, heaven help me.  He would have every right to…I don’t know…do something!


But in confidence, I want to dig deeper.  I want to learn and grow.  I want to be challenged out of my greed.  I want to be inspired that the things I struggle with wanting are not nearly as beautiful as Him.  Or His purposes.  I want to see clearly – again – that putting those things as primary importance is idolatry.  Or as our pastor said a week ago, “Jesus is after your heart; and when He gets that, He’ll get everything else.”




So where were we?  Ah, yes.  Overseas.  What a gift.


When we returned to America, I felt what a covetous spirit was.  I had missed some conveniences surrounding the birth of our son and now felt entitled to them.  And that, my friends, is ugly when given leeway.


I remember one instance in particular when I bemoaned to my friend, “Everyone else has a house!  Why can’t we just have one, too?”


Now I know that’s not true.  And a house isn’t a right.  And 3 years into our rental house, I can see at least some of the reasons why we haven’t bought our own.  Who knows about the future.  But we feel called to this house for now at least, so despite any vacillating this way or that we’ve done in the last few months, this house is right where we’ll be.


Moving in here was such a joy.  Even though I’d had (too many) moments of being an ungrateful child, our Father still blessed us with such as sweet little home.  The kitchen was even pale yellow (my favorite color)!  There was already one of those little pot hanger thingys that I think are cute.  It was open and sunny and on a corner lot.  The garage was big enough to put our excess junk in when we required storage.  And a garden had already been marked off with a border.  Fun!


We were learning what Foster calls, “both the goodness and the limitation of material things.  The material world is good, but it is a limited good – limited in the sense that we cannot make a life out of it.  To deny the goodness of the created order is to be an ascetic.  To deny the limitation of the created order is to be a materialist.” (pg.11)


We were enjoying some blessings to which we knew we had no right.  They were just blessings from His gracious hand.  I’m sure you know what I mean.  He is a good Father.  As Foster says, “It is like God to want to give us good things.”


But he continues with some wise words we’ve been learning as well: “The connection between obedience and blessing is genuinely significant, and the significance is not primarily in the notion of being rewarded for doing what is right.  That has its place, but it is a minor place, almost a childish place.  The deeper reality in obedience is the kind of spirit it works into us.  It is a spirit that crucifies greed and covetousness.  It is a spirit of compassion and outreach.  It is a spirit of sensitivity and trust.  Once this inner disposition has taken over our personality, material blessings cannot hurt us, for they will be used for right purposes.  We will recognize material goods to be not for us alone, but for the good of all.”


But that, my friends, is a subject matter for another post!

Fun weekend.  Well, starting Thursday.

Playdate-turn-dinner with friends Thursday evening.

My first ever cutie-pie foam flower art project for Mother’s Day from Caden at Mom’s Day Out Friday.

A cookout with the families who live on either side of us Friday evening.

Cleaning house combined with a solo shopping trip Saturday morning.

Baby dedication at church Saturday evening with friends.  (We love you so much Caleb!)

Awesome cookout with said friends who love on our boys afterward – which included the best-looking cake I’ve seen in a long time…thank you M.

Flowers from my guys this morning.

A church date with just my big boy, as little bit had some sniffles and we opted to keep him home with Dan.

The best grilled steak pitas for lunch.

Boys splashing in the water outside while Dan finished planting the garden.

Watching my big boy eat celery, carrots, brocoli (with ranch), string cheese & an orange for his snack – and love it.

Before you give me any props for how healthy that is, please know he had some Twizzlers after and snuck one too many drinks from my Sonic Dr Pepper in between veggies.  He’s very balanced. 🙂

Neighborhood kids currently spraying each other with the hose in the back yard.

Then up next: a family walk in this nice, getting-hot weather.  Which will include my steal-of-a-garage-sale-deal baby backpack carrier.  Woo hoo!

Have a great evening!

I think one of the dangers in blogging is you begin to believe that your own opinion is super important.  (Also, as one of my facebook friends would say, ‘Your inner dialogue starts to sound more and more like a blog post.’  Hee hee.  So true.)

Self-importance = yuck.

But as my new section of the holy scriptures points out, the answer isn’t hiding.

Oh, balance.  You tricky little concept.

“Let me tell you who you are here.  You’re here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth.  If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness?  You’ve lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.

Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world.  God is not a secret to be kept.  We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill.  If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you?  I’m putting you on a light stand.  Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand – shine!  Keep open house; be generous with your lives.  By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.”

Matthew 5:13-16 The Message

…as I seek to have integrity in representing the entire, complex nature of simplicity in these posts:

“There was once a time when I urged simplicity of life upon people indiscriminately.  I would cajole, shove, and push, and often they would indeed change their lifestyle; but I found that is was all quite destructive  I discovered that simplicity is just another anxiety-laden burden until people have experienced God’s gracious power to provide them with daily bread.  Only as kingdom power breaks in are we free to live in trust…

We struggle to understand how we are to live.  Few of us would buy into the naive notion that the accumulation of bigger and better things will give us joy or purpose.  Yet neither are we comfortable with the rigid ascetic who thunders down denunciations on the evil of possessions…

Jesus was so far from being a rigid ascetic that he was accused of being a glutton and a drunkard (Luke 7:34).  The accusation was obviously a malicious smear, but it pointed to the fact that joyous celebration was an important element in his life…

Simplicity is an inward reality that can be seen in an outward lifestyle.  We must have both; to neglect either end of this tension is disastrous.

If simplicity were merely a matter of externals, things would be quite easy.  We would then need only to formulate a system…that defines the boundaries: Christian faithfulness would allow us to live in this income bracket but not that one, to purchase this house but not that one.  We would have a clearly definable arrangement, even if it would need periodic adjustment to keep abreast of inflation.  It would be clear who is in and who is out, who is faithful and who is not.  Presto, a new pharisaism.  Very fine, thank you…

The letter always kills; the Spirit alone gives life.  Gospel simplicity gives freedom and liberation…

It is learning to walk in the Spirit that builds the life of purity, unity, and grace.  There is an inwardness that is central to our task; without it all is lost.  We delude ourselves, however, if we think we can possess the inner reality of simplicity without it having a profound effect  upon the way we live.  The tension must be maintained.”

– Foster, emphases mine

See what I mean?  There is a complexity in this issue and I want to be careful to reflect that as I seek to document this whole thing.

Okay, big day ahead!

My prince is home today!  Yipee!

My big boy is at Mom’s Day Out and my little boy is napping.  Later today I teach a class and then we’re taking a family swim.  (Our gym’s indoor pool has family hours on the weekends.  And all 3 of my guys enjoy the water.)  What a fun Friday!

I was all fired up to write this post as the second installment of simplicity.  Then I started thinking about sharing some details of our time overseas and I got all protective.  There are just some lessons that don’t need to be broadcast to the whole world.  And most of the ones He taught me there qualify as between-me-and-Him.

But it was interesting to see our American selves through the eyes of others.  We by far bought more groceries and put out more trash than several of our neighbors combined.  The consumer mentality we took for granted was seen for what it was.

Different people questioned why we needed a 2-bedroom apartment just for us.  Even when Caden was born, most of our friends saw no reason for such a big living space.  Which makes sense because our neighbors had raised both their daughters in a 2-bedroom apartment their whole life.

It’s just things like that which made us question what we’d never questioned before.  Our “rights.”  Expectations of a comfortable life.  The American dream.

But more importantly, we were being weaned from the “bigness” of our spirituality.  How much did we need other people around in order to commune with God?  If we didn’t have a typical Sunday morning worship service, were we okay with an iPod and our 5 friends?  Could we find Jesus in language study, pride-crushing cultural mistakes, and limited friendships?

We were being centered down on the core of our faith.  And I loved it.  It all felt so authentic.  I began to look forward to the next difficult personal lesson He wanted to teach me.  I came to delight in seeing character issues so they could be dealt with in His power.  And I adored having like-minded people surrounding us.  No.  It wasn’t perfect.  But it was wonderful.  I really felt like I was aware of what a gift it was even at the time, and attempted to soak it all in.

The hardest part?  I couldn’t earn any of it.  As a recovering legalist, in my flesh driven to somehow earn grace and perform for love, I had to accept the fact that I couldn’t.  I had to rest in the fact that it was a gift that couldn’t be earned.  Oh, I tried.  I’m always trying.  But He isn’t impressed with all that.  And He insists on out-giving my desire to be some sort of martyr.

He’s still doing that, you know.  As much as I want to make up for mistakes or out-serve my sin, He won’t let me.  Then, once again, it would be about me.  I just need to rest.  In His love, his provision for my needs, and the way He wants to bless me.

I just love Him so much.  I want Him to know how grateful I am for everything He has done and is doing in my life.  The way I do that?  Daily faithfulness.  Our church is so good about putting wisdom back in our face week after week.  I want to take that wisdom and join Him in how He’s at work in my life and others’ lives all around us.

I’m excited.  I’m doing my first blog series.

What’s a blog series?

It’s when you regularly write about the same topic over a period of time.

That’s what it is.

So my blog series is on Simplicity.  I read a book.  Yes, I did.

But I’m excited to document the series of events that had to do with this book ~ and how God used those events to change some things in my perspective.

So.  The book.

Freedom of Simplicity by Richard Foster.

What is interesting about the timing of my reading this book is four-fold.

First, he taught me a rough draft of the book’s premise while we were overseas.  3 years before I read it.

Next, he worked some of the details of the book into my life.  When I wasn’t even looking.  And then I read the first 4 chapters in the book.

Then, I went through an intense personal time in 2009.  And then I read the rest of the book.

And then, sadly, I lost some focus and veered off in a similar, but dangerous, direction of hoarding/competition with finances this past year.  So, needless to say, I’ve picked back up the book and am re-reading with vigor.

And that’s where you come in.

Dan & I are reading it out loud to each other when we get/take the chance in the evenings.  So I’m getting some verbal discussion about it.  But to record lessons I’m reviewing will help cement the thing in my brain.  So as to hopefully not lose focus again.  Make mistakes?  Sure.  Completely lose focus?  I really hope not.

A bummer thing about all this is simplicity is kinda trendy right now.  Which, if you’re like me, may make you dig in your heels and resist the whole concept.  The idea seems to be a reaction to our economy and the next generation’s answer to some problems.  But true simplicity has so much more to do with your insides than the size of your house or your willingness to take public transportation.

But I’m getting ahead of myself…

That’s enough of an introduction for today.  The next time I get my sentences strung together, hopefully it’ll be some personal reflection on a wonderful time in our lives I like to call “overseas.”

Now when Joshua was near Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with a drawn sword in his hand.  Joshua went up to him and asked, ‘Are you for us or for our enemies?’

‘Neither,’ he replied, ‘but as commander of the army of the LORD I have now come.’  Then Joshua fell facedown to the ground in reverence, and asked him, ‘What message does my Lord have for his servant?’

The commander of the LORD’s army replied, ‘Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy,’  And Joshua did.

I love it.

Whose side are you on?  Ours or theirs?


Neither.  I came to take control.

…I made something called “Mexican Lasagna.”  But since we had no ground beef I used leftover, grilled hamburger patties.  It tastes like Burger King snuck into Taco Bueno.

Caden to Dad beyond locked bathroom door: “Knock, Knock!”

Dad: “Who’s there?”

Caden: “Caden!”

Dad: “Caden who?”

Caden:  “Caden gotta pee!”  (Sometimes obvious punch lines are the funniest.)

And finally a story from water class this morning:  A lady and her choir group are performing a Gershwin/Rogers & Hammerstein type remix this Sunday.  And she got out of the pool early to put on a floor-length skirt and announce the performance time from the deck to the other students.  Then she got in the pool in her skirt and sang, “Off to See the Wizard” with another guy in class.

I love that group.

Hope you’re having a good day!

It’s not a new lesson for me.  It really isn’t.

My faithful God is constantly reminding me of something.

Namely, that if I have my act together and can perform well, I get the glory.

But if I can’t.  If I’m broken and faltering and (often) failing, but something Good happens…He gets the glory.  (2Cor4)

I’m such a slow learner.

Actually, I’m a pretty quick learner.

Unfortunately, I’m an even quicker forget-er.

But you know what?

No matter what I’m loved.  Cherished even.

Because His vision is greater than me.  But – amazingly enough – He has a plan that includes me.

It’s about Him.  This I know.

But Jesus loves me.  This I also know.

The Bible tells me so.

And He shows me.  Regularly.

The reason that we’re blessed when we mourn is because we can be comforted.

Don’t really need comfort if you never mourn.

So here’s to everyone whose Easter weekend was full of juxtaposing emotions:

Absolute astonishment at pure forgiveness…plus grief over missing their loved one this year.

Breathtaking gratitude at the freedom we have in Him…combined with melancholy over their struggles.

A good ache at how He conquered our sin…in line with a heavy ache that “meanwhile we still groan.”

It’s all poetry.

I had so many highlights this weekend.  And I’m learning gratitude for the lowlights as well.  Cause joy and suffering are pretty intertwined.  And I am truly learning how I’d hate to miss out on either one.

You are so good to us, Jesus.  Thank you that we have scandalous hope no matter what.

And You are worth it all.

“You get to choose which side of the curve you will live on.”  ~ Pastor Dave