“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.”  1 Cor 13:1-3

Been challenged lately about love.  And that love does.

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.  Habakkuk 3:17-18

For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.  ~ Matthew 5:20

When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’ Your love, O Lord, supported me!  When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul! (Ps 94:18-19)

Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish! We don’t play the major role. If we did, we’d probably go around bragging that we’d done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.


Ephesians 2:10 The Message




For we are God’s workmanship [poiema], created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.  


Ephesians 2:10 NIV




This verse has been brought to my attention twice today.  He is a good God.

I’ve had my fingers hovered above the keyboard the past couple of days.  Stuck on what to write in my desire to be disciplined in writing.

Yesterday I decided to read entries past.  And I was so saddened by the arrogance and pride in some old posts.  I was so wrong.  The worst part was realizing that those written entries represented a lot of lived days.

I’ve also been struck by some memories and insights the past 24 hours.  I almost never watch TV during the day, but Caleb and I turned it on yesterday to see a girl struggling with OCD on a talk show.  They were offering her treatment at a ranch, but she had to give up working out in order to deal with her disorder.  She refused.

The thing was…I understood.

I remember being so fearful of losing control of the one thing I felt I had control over that nothing else mattered.  How getting help pales in comparison to being able to keep rigid rules made for some sense of security.

Then I read Beth Moore’s sister’s entry today about her spiral downward with alcoholism.

And I understood.

I rarely touch alcohol, but the addiction taking over made complete sense.  I remember going to the bakery store and buying whatever pastries sounded appealing and eating the whole box…just so I could throw them up and feel that empty feeling.  I didn’t want to feel the pain or recognize my lack of coping skills in the difficult times.  I wanted to feel empty.  

It’s amazing what God has saved me from.  It’s His mercy.  Not my righteousness.  When I am tempted to feel self-righteous, I’m experiencing severe forgetfulness.  When I begin to gloss over my past and what He’s delivered me from, I’m going crazy.  I’ve been delivered from behaviors that could have killed me.  He required a lot of work on my part, but make no mistake…He’s my Savior.    

Sometimes I wish everyone could know Him like this, from this angle.  To have been Had (to quote Beth Moore from When Godly People Do Ungodly Things).  To realize you made a fool of yourself…not just once but many times.  Not just a long time ago, but recently.  Not just when you were ignorant, but when you knew better.  Not because you had some hard knocks, but because you chose badly.

And yet.

Love and grace and forgiveness abound.  Yes, so do consequences and discipline.  But praise Him they are from His loving hand.

I know there is a fine line in sharing testimonies.  There is a way that can glorify sin or over-share.  I hope that isn’t the case in my post.  I wasn’t even going to publish this, but I think I will.  I am a captive set free.  He is my Redeemer.  I know the depths of His love.  I should never stop talking about how good He is.

“‘Do not be afraid,’ Samuel replied.  ‘You have done all this evil; yet do not turn away from the LORD, but serve the LORD with all your heart.  Do not turn away after useless idols.  They can do you no good, nor can they rescue you, because they are useless.  For the sake of his great name the LORD will not reject his people, because the LORD was pleased to make you his own.  As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you.  And I will teach you the way that is good and right.  But be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you.  Yet if you persist in doing evil, both you and your king will be swept away.'” 1 Samuel 12:20-25

“He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.  He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me.  They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD was my support.  He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.” Psalm 18:16-19

I have gone through seasons in this little ol’ blog where I felt compelled to write.  Couldn’t wait to share and it energized me to do so.

I am not currently in one of those seasons.

That means that this, like many other areas of my life, will just have to be a discipline.  I want to record snippets of our lives so I never forget.  Lessons God is teaching me in case they encourage others.  And musings I’m having so I can sort through them in this weird, semi-private yet completely public way called blogging.

So here’s what I have for today.  It won’t be poetry, but it’ll be real.

I’m currently going through a study on the Old Testament tabernacle.  So far we’ve studied the outer court and are diving in deep with the holy place and priesthood.  And the chair/ottoman combo in our living room has turned into my own holy place.  I have a very distinct sense of entering in lately and what a privilege it is.  I find myself wanting to be more sanctified, set apart from the world, as the priests were.  And how God referred to their ministry several times as a gift from Him.  And the significance of Jesus as our Great High Priest.  He is meeting with me.

Our group is embracing the lofty task of memorizing and retaining Matthew chapters 5, 6 & 7.  This will be hard.  But I like how one verse flows to the next.  The Sermon on the Mount would change my life if I let it.

My man has been taking on some new responsibilities at work as well as new disciplines in his personal life.  I love watching him stretch and grow.  He does such a good job of still pouring his primary energies into our family.  The boys and I never get the feeling we’re sliding down his list of priorities.  I’m so proud of that man.

Fall Avoidance has been going well.  I have one new lady that’s had 3 hip surgeries in the last year or two and all but one vertebrae are fused.  Finding exercises that challenge her without stepping over her limitations is tricky.  She has such a good attitude.  All my seniors do and I take so much away from our conversations.  Our bodies are frail, this I know.

I get to go to a free (!) training tomorrow for work in Kansas City with a co-worker of mine.  I’m so excited to be going on a business trip 🙂  This co-worker is a sort of mentor for me, and not just work-related (though she’s a phenomenal instructor).  She’s a believer and regularly challenges me with stuff she says.  I look forward to spending a whole day with her, as usually our relationship is hit-and-miss.  My sweet parents are coming down for the day to watch the boys.  I’m so grateful for their willingness to help.  I hope they take their energy pills.

Our friends continue to amaze me.  We have really great friends.  I’ve been trying to be conscious of thinking of them the way they do us.

Our pastor has been talking about change lately.  There are some changes coming in our church that could make me really bummed if I let my emotions take over.  He’s been challenging us to embrace it rather than endure it.  That’s harder for me than I would like to think it is.  Fortunately, “He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure.” (Isaiah 33:6)

And one more sweet treasure for today: “Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth.  As you have sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world.  For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.” (John 17:17-19)

Hope you’re having a great Wednesday!

Hello there!  I’m sorry it’s been so long.  No excuses, we’ll just move on.

We have a new home!  I told you we were set to close on one a while back.  That week, everything started falling apart.  Just crumbling at our feet.  So we looked at each other and agreed we’d cut our losses and walk away if that’s what God wanted.  The crucial point was when I faced some of my people pleasing fears and called our realtor, telling her our thoughts.  It was hard, but it almost felt like a test for me.

The next week, everything started falling into place.  The original loan came through at an amazing interest rate; the amount due at closing was over a thousand less than we thought; we would close and be able to start slowly moving in over several days so that things like the kitchen would be set up when we were officially in; that weekend was Veterans Day when my dad could come and Dan had off making the transition much smoother.  And then there were our amazing friends who all stepped up to help.  We couldn’t be more blessed.

And even after all that, I sometimes find myself choosing to worry over provision.  Now that we have this house, what if something happens?  Thankfully, in my study this week I’ve been revisiting the manna from heaven that God sent the Israelites in the wilderness.  He is our daily bread (John 6:35).  Don’t worry about tomorrow (Matt 6:34).  Plenty for today.  Obey and don’t try to hoard or it’ll spoil (Ex 16:20).  Grace according to need.  New mercies every morning (Lam 3:23).  We go from strength to strength (Ps 84:7).

Of course, the manna is there.  But we must gather it.  That was the concluding point in today’s lesson; our part of the equation.  Reminded me of a sermon from a couple weeks ago our pastor gave about training.  It’s been haunting me.  The premise was we are saved by grace through faith; but we grow in Christlikeness through training.  And when we try to switch those around, we become self-righteous or disillusioned.  Self-righteous when we try to somehow earn our favor with God.  And disillusioned when we think that grace is all we need to grow.

We are part of a training center at our church, I’ve told you.  One of my favorite parts is the personal assessments that are done.  From those, a covenant is made on growth points throughout the year.  Love it, love it.  Until it comes down to actually stepping out on some of those growth points for myself.  I have found I’m very tentative.  And I dislike that because I never used to be tentative on these sorts of things.  I have a very difficult time balancing not putting too much on my plate – both relationally and schedule-wise – so that I’m not harming my family…and being so fearful of taking on too much and wanting all that I take on to be done perfectly that I don’t take on any new thing.

But today’s lesson reminded me, once again, that growing requires me stepping out.  To not hide behind my role as wife and mom.  Fulfill it with excellence and keeping a steady eye on the pulse of my family?  Yes.  Hiding behind the role?  No.

So with much fear and trepidation I will be stepping out in faith.  It’s good to be out on a limb with Him, no?

I remember being bored a lot during my growing up years.

And I think that was good.

Really good.

We had to use our imaginations.  We had to learn to play together and not fight constantly.  We weren’t enrolled in a zillion activities.  In fact, none until we were much older.

And I’m glad my childhood felt slow.  Unrushed and full of play.

I’m watching my two boys make up a game that involves covering your head with a blanket and chase the other.  Lots of giggles.  For sure some cries before it’s over.  But it’s fun.  And homemade.  We’ll probably read some books when it all falls apart.  It’s a laid back morning after a class at the gym and before Caden goes to school.

What blessings I have in my life!