Oh my.

Summer is really here in our house.  With Dan & Caden being done with 4-H and me having the week off, we’re trying to figure it all out.

I may be more sporadic on here, can’t tell yet. 

Either way, while WWF commences in the basement, I thought I’d type some verses from earlier this morning. 

Enjoy!

That stirred up a hornet’s nest of questions among the disciples: “What’s he talking about: ‘In a day or so you’re not going to see me, but then in another day or so you will see me’? And, ‘Because I’m on my way to the Father’? What is this ‘day or so’? We don’t know what he’s talking about.”

Jesus knew they were dying to ask him what he meant, so he said, “Are you trying to figure out among yourselves what I meant when I said, ‘In a day or so you’re not going to see me, but then in another day or so you will see me’? Then fix this firmly in your minds: You’re going to be in deep mourning while the godless world throws a party. You’ll be sad, very sad, but your sadness will develop into gladness.


 “When a woman gives birth, she has a hard time, there’s no getting around it. But when the baby is born, there is joy in the birth. This new life in the world wipes out memory of the pain. The sadness you have right now is similar to that pain, but the coming joy is also similar. When I see you again, you’ll be full of joy, and it will be a joy no one can rob from you. You’ll no longer be so full of questions.


“This is what I want you to do: Ask the Father for whatever is in keeping with the things I’ve revealed to you. Ask in my name, according to my will, and he’ll most certainly give it to you. Your joy will be a river overflowing its banks!


“I’ve used figures of speech in telling you these things. Soon I’ll drop the figures and tell you about the Father in plain language. Then you can make your requests directly to him in relation to this life I’ve revealed to you. I won’t continue making requests of the Father on your behalf. I won’t need to. Because you’ve gone out on a limb, committed yourselves to love and trust in me, believing I came directly from the Father, the Father loves you directly. First, I left the Father and arrived in the world; now I leave the world and travel to the Father.”


His disciples said, “Finally! You’re giving it to us straight, in plain talk—no more figures of speech. Now we know that you know everything—it all comes together in you. You won’t have to put up with our questions anymore. We’re convinced you came from God.”


Jesus answered them, “Do you finally believe? In fact, you’re about to make a run for it—saving your own skins and abandoning me. But I’m not abandoned. The Father is with me. I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world.”


John 16:17-33 The Message

What could I do to leave a legacy?

 How can I speak with authority

 When I can’t see You, I can’t see You?

 How can I know the dreams You have for me?

 How can I believe beyond what I have seen?

 When I can’t hear You, I can’t feel You now?

 You’re my revival song, You start where I belong

 On my knees, on my knees

 When I am weak You’re strong You meet me here

 When I’m on my knees, on my knees

 Oh, it starts with me

 Why do I try to work outside of You?

 Knocking down doors I should be walking through

 But I’m so tired, I’m so tired

 You take my burdens off of my shoulders

 You break the lies that hold me back

 I’m not sure enough

 I really wanna change the world

 I really wanna sing Your Song

 But I know revival’s got to start with me

 You’re my revival song, You start where I belong

 On my knees, on my knees

 When I am weak You’re strong You meet me here

 When I’m on my knees, on my knees

 Oh, it starts with me

Tim Timmons, “Starts With Me”

All this I have told you so that you will not go astray.  They will put you out of the synagogue; in fact, a time is coming when anyone who kills you will think he is offering a service to God.

John 16:1&2

Ahhh.  Hometown tranquility.

We’re at my parents’ house for the weekend. 

I love coming back to my hometown.  Just like everyone else, I have both good and hard memories from this place. 

I always go straight for the photo albums when we come.  (And why not?  With grandparents around, parenting is taken care of!  I actually may not even see my children much this weekend.  Grin.)

Pictures have such a way of taking me emotionally back in time.  I don’t just remember things, I revisit them in my feelings.  It can be powerful.

My heart has been tender to anyone who read my post about the work Dan and I have done in our marriage who also may have marriage struggles. 

Marriage is hard.  It takes so much more work than lots of people let on.  Namely people who write romantic comedy movies.  But as we – along with so many people who have gone before us and who are walking alongside us – have learned, it is so so worth it.

I was thinking about generational sin on the drive here.  And how in Exodus 20:5 God says, “…I, the LORD you God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me…”

I heard someone teach on this verse.  The word translated in NIV for “punishing” in Hebrew is paqadh, meaning like a census.  They interpreted it to mean how God can review or take census of the times the parent’s sins are seen in the next generations.

The speaker went on to say that it is more like those same sins visit the descendants and affect their lives more than it is that they are being punished for something their ancestors did.  (Because as we see in Ezekial 18:14-18, a son does not die for what his father did.)

So yes.  We have a choice.  But there are also sins that will visit us based on generations past.

Unless someone breaks the cycle.

The next verse in Exodus 20 is the beautiful promise for such a person:

“…but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.”

Oh, praise You, Yahweh!  What a promise!

Right now I’m kicking myself for not bringing Breaking Free with me here.  But that’s okay.  If you will be patient with my memory of the following story and not stress about footnotes, we’ll be all good.

Beth Moore quotes a story by Gilda Radner about a dog she used to own.  Goes something like this:

My parents had a dog who once got run over by a lawn mower, severing her back two legs.  She was otherwise fine and found a new way to walk:  She would take a step forward with each paw, then flip her tail end up to scooch forward.  Then take another two steps and flip her tail up to scooch some more.

One day my parents found out she was pregnant.  The vet said there shouldn’t be any reason the mama dog couldn’t carry and deliver perfectly healthy puppies.  Sure enough, she had 8 beautiful puppies.  All in perfect health with all four legs.

And when they learned to walk, they walked just like their mother.




No, the puppies were just fine.  But some things are learned.  And there is a spiritual side to all this as well that we’re blinded to.  Who do you think would have a vested interest in making sure certain sins visit on down the generations?  (And please know I’m not looking for the enemy around every corner over here.  I’ve just done enough battle in the warfare of the mind to recognize some of his ugly lies and how to combat them and feel compelled to share.)

Bethie continues on with examples.  How a mother and two daughters could be abused and abandoned by a father.  Then those daughters could have daughters of their own.  And even though they’d never met their grandfather or been mistreated in any way, they will more than likely struggle with a mistrust and fear of men they can’t understand, let alone explain.

Dan and I both came into marriage with some baggage.  I have his permission to be candid about this, because we’ve both had some healing and continue to heal.  And if we can’t share the compassion we’ve been shown, what good are our struggles anyway?

Anyway, when Caden was born, certain generational tendencies reared their ugly heads in our marriage more so than they had before.  Patterns of relating emerged.  I was incredibly, incredibly insecure in my ability to trust my own intuition and parent my child.  So I handed that over to Dan.  I essentially put him in charge of telling me what to do in an area that, if I had listened to God and my own judgment, I would’ve been fine.

Well, this little action backfired.  And bled into other areas in our marriage.  It turned into a parent-child relationship much more than an adult-to-adult marriage.

From here it just spiraled.  Certain tendencies in Dan’s lineage came out (please know he had a wonderful father and currently has an amazing mother…this is never about pointing fingers). 

We were driven to our knees.

Anyway, I think that’s good.  It’s a great place to be if you want to heal.

I read a book during this time that was so good for me.  Not everyone can read a theory and then apply it to their life, but for some reason God has given me the ability to do that.  I’m so grateful because, as good as behavior modification and habit training can be, we needed something much, much deeper.

I learned in the book that people have 4 needs:

1.  To attach to others without fear

2.  To be a separate individual even in that attachment

3.  I forgot this one

4.  And to be an adult emotionally – to submit to leadership when appropriate, but to be in charge as an adult of their own emotions, desires, will, etc.

I needed that adult one!  I needed permission to say, “No, Dan.  As one of the people in charge of our son all day, I saw fit for this to be the right way to handle this situation.  It may not be perfect or what you would’ve done, but it is not wrong and I won’t listen to criticism about it.”

Please know, this is entirely different than rebellion or resisting Biblical submission.  This was reclaiming a healthy marriage.  I had a counselor tell me once that relationships in families are like a children’s mobile.  When one person begins to change it is like someone tugging on just one little dangly part of the mobile.  You’re only pulling that one piece, but the whole mobile starts to adjust to the movement, too. 

In a family, if one person starts to shift – good or bad – the whole family has to make adjustments.  That’s just how God designed it.  We are interdependent. 

Anyway, I knew that if I started becoming more of an emotional adult it would affect my husband in a positive way.  And it did.  He himself will say he had a bit of a hissy fit at first, but as I stood my ground and reclaimed my right to have our marriage be an adult-to-adult one, he came to see how that was healthier for him, too. 

In the temperament language of our church, my man is from Control Country.  He sees things outside of himself and is driven to have order and closure in those things.  This is a very good gift, but one that can run people over if not kept in check.

Because of some of my own wounds, I have a foot in Control Country. 

Can you see some problems here??

When I started to reclaim my emotional adulthood, I went to the other extreme: I’m from Control Country now, too, and let’s just butt heads on all things, everything, all the time.

Not. good.

Especially considering how from 13 years old on, after his Dad died suddenly, Dan was raised by a strong, independent, Control Country Mother (who I would like to add for the record is the most rock star mama-in-law on the planet!).  So there was a part of him that was like, cool.  You be in charge and lead and mother me.

God said, Nuh Uh.  Get your roles straight, Children.

I’m happy to report we’re getting there.  As I mentioned we’re so far from perfect that that is laughable.  But we are stable.  We are in love.  We are two separate, but attached, souls that try to reflect our individuality even as we are one.

God is so good.  He walked us every step to get us to where we are in our journey.

I heard this song on the radio yesterday and it reminded me of the miracle He has done for us.  Hope you enjoy the lyrics as well.

Nobody’s growing old together, we’ve made it easy just to quit

 Love has become a negative percentage, why do we bother to commit?

 We’ve got a long list of excuses, ways we try to justify

 Well, I propose to you the truth is, marriage does not have to die

 I know you’re feeling like it’s falling apart and it can’t go on anymore

 But God is a God who knows how to heal so just give it up to the Lord

 And He will restore

 He said with this ring “I promise,” and with “I do” she said forever

 But right now if they’re being honest, they don’t know if they’ll stay together

 Let’s fast forward to the future after struggling on their own

 They finally figured out they needed Jesus in the middle

 Now I’m watching God rebuild their home

 The enemy tries to come and divide

 Trying to get us to give up the fight

 But darkness will always lose out to light

 ‘Cause we’ve got the power of Christ on our side!

 I see you growing old together

 I pray I find a love like yours

 So if you’re feeling like it’s falling apart and it can’t go on anymore

 God is a God who knows how to heal so just give it up to the Lord

 And He will restore

 Like it was before

 You may have strayed off course

 But He will restore

Chris August, “Restore”

“If you find the godless world is hating you, remember it got its start hating me. If you lived on the world’s terms, the world would love you as one of its own. But since I picked you to live on God’s terms and no longer on the world’s terms, the world is going to hate you.

²⁰ “When that happens, remember this: Servants don’t get better treatment than their masters. If they beat on me, they will certainly beat on you. If they did what I told them, they will do what you tell them.


^21-25 “They are going to do all these things to you because of the way they treated me, because they don’t know the One who sent me. If I hadn’t come and told them all this in plain language, it wouldn’t be so bad. As it is, they have no excuse. Hate me, hate my Father—it’s all the same.

If I hadn’t done what I have done among them, works no one has ever done, they wouldn’t be to blame. But they saw the God-signs and hated anyway, both me and my Father. Interesting—they have verified the truth of their own Scriptures where it is written, ‘They hated me for no good reason.’


^26-27 “When the Friend I plan to send you from the Father comes—the Spirit of Truth issuing from the Father—he will confirm everything about me. You, too, from your side must give your confirming evidence, since you are in this with me from the start.”

John 15:18-27 The Message

A good warning from Tim Keller:

“Gifts are abilities God gives us to meet the needs of others in Christ’s name:

speaking, encouraging, serving, evangelizing, teaching, leading, administering, counseling, discipling, organizing.

Graces, often called spiritual fruit, are beauties of character:

love, joy, peace, humility, gentleness, self-control.

Spiritual gifts are what we do; spiritual fruit is what we are.

Unless you understand the greater importance of grace and gospel-character for ministry effectiveness, the discernment and use of spiritual gifts may actually become a liability in your ministry. The terrible danger is that we can look to our ministry activity as evidence that God is with us or as a way to earn God’s favor and prove ourselves.

If our hearts remember the gospel and are rejoicing in our justification and adoption, then our ministry is done as a sacrifice of thanksgiving—and the result will be that our ministry is done in love, humility, patience, and tenderness.

But if our hearts are seeking self-justification and desiring to control God and others by proving our worth through our ministry performance, we will identify too closely with our ministry and make it an extension of ourselves.

The telltale signs of impatience, irritability, pride, hurt feelings, jealousy, and boasting will appear. We will be driven, scared, and either too timid or too brash. These signs reveal that ministry as a performance is exhausting us and serves as a cover for pride in either one of its two forms, self-aggrandizement or self-hatred.”

This sounds a lot like the things I’ve learned the past 5 years in our church. 

I am the True Vine, and my Father is the Gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.

John 15:1&2

“One reason we can hardly bear to remain silent is that is makes us feel so helpless.  We are so accustomed to relying on words to manage and control others.  If we are silent, who will take control?  God will take control, but we will never let him take control until we trust him.  Silence is ultimately related to trust.

The tongue is our most powerful weapon of manipulation.  A frantic stream of words flows from us because we are in a constant process of adjusting our public image.  We fear so deeply what we think other people see in us that we talk in order to straighten out their understanding. If I have done some wrong thing (or even some right thing that I think you may misunderstand) and discover that you know about it, I will be very tempted to help you understand my action!  Silence is one of the deepest Disciplines of the Spirit simply because it puts the stopper on all self-justification.

One of the fruits of silence is the freedom to let God be our justifier.  We don’t need to straighten others out.  There is a story of a medieval monk who was being unjustly accused of certain offenses.  One day he looked out his window and saw a dog biting and tearing on a rug that had been hung out to dry.  As he watched, the Lord spoke to him saying,

“That is what is happening to your reputation.  But if you will trust Me, I will care for you – reputation and all.”

Perhaps more than anything else, silence brings us to believe that God can care for us – ‘reputation and all.’

Foster, The Discipline of Solitude, The Celebration of Discipline pages 100-101

^1-4 “Don’t let this throw you. You trust God, don’t you? Trust me. There is plenty of room for you in my Father’s home. If that weren’t so, would I have told you that I’m on my way to get a room ready for you? And if I’m on my way to get your room ready, I’ll come back and get you so you can live where I live. And you already know the road I’m taking.”

⁵ Thomas said, “Master, we have no idea where you’re going. How do you expect us to know the road?”


^6-7 Jesus said, “I am the Road, also the Truth, also the Life. No one gets to the Father apart from me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him. You’ve even seen him!”


⁸ Philip said, “Master, show us the Father; then we’ll be content.”

^9-10 “You’ve been with me all this time, Philip, and you still don’t understand? To see me is to see the Father. So how can you ask, ‘Where is the Father?’ Don’t you believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I speak to you aren’t mere words. I don’t just make them up on my own. The Father who resides in me crafts each word into a divine act.


^11-14 “Believe me: I am in my Father and my Father is in me. If you can’t believe that, believe what you see—these works. The person who trusts me will not only do what I’m doing but even greater things, because I, on my way to the Father, am giving you the same work to do that I’ve been doing. You can count on it. From now on, whatever you request along the lines of who I am and what I am doing, I’ll do it. That’s how the Father will be seen for who he is in the Son. I mean it. Whatever you request in this way, I’ll do.

 

 

^18-20 “I will not leave you orphaned. I’m coming back. In just a little while the world will no longer see me, but you’re going to see me because I am alive and you’re about to come alive. At that moment you will know absolutely that I’m in my Father, and you’re in me, and I’m in you.


²¹ “The person who knows my commandments and keeps them, that’s who loves me. And the person who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and make myself plain to him.”


²² Judas (not Iscariot) said, “Master, why is it that you are about to make yourself plain to us but not to the world?”


^23-24 “Because a loveless world,” said Jesus, “is a sightless world. If anyone loves me, he will carefully keep my word and my Father will love him—we’ll move right into the neighborhood! Not loving me means not keeping my words. The message you are hearing isn’t mine. It’s the message of the Father who sent me.


^25-27 “I’m telling you these things while I’m still living with you. The Friend, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send at my request, will make everything plain to you. He will remind you of all the things I have told you. I’m leaving you well and whole. That’s my parting gift to you. Peace. I don’t leave you the way you’re used to being left—feeling abandoned, bereft. So don’t be upset. Don’t be distraught.


²⁸ “You’ve heard me tell you, ‘I’m going away, and I’m coming back.’ If you loved me, you would be glad that I’m on my way to the Father because the Father is the goal and purpose of my life.


^29-31 “I’ve told you this ahead of time, before it happens, so that when it does happen, the confirmation will deepen your belief in me. I’ll not be talking with you much more like this because the chief of this godless world is about to attack. But don’t worry—he has nothing on me, no claim on me. But so the world might know how thoroughly I love the Father, I am carrying out my Father’s instructions right down to the last detail.


“Get up. Let’s go. It’s time to leave here.”


John 14 via www.biblegateway.com